


Everyone I’ve Ever Loved

by garseeya



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Disney Princesses, Elsamaren - Fandom, Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Emotional Growth, F/F, Family, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garseeya/pseuds/garseeya
Summary: Elsa reflects on her past and her life with her own little family.
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney), Elsa/OC
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	Everyone I’ve Ever Loved

[Link to accompanying pic.](https://www.instagram.com/p/CBEY-O7Fofc/?igshid=1ox3umpns9pw7)

The setting sun poured down through a window blanketing Elsa’s goahti in the color of honey. As she sat, Elsa reflected on her life up until now, her eyes glossing over each photo on her wall, one by one, until they reached the most recent. She fixated on the picture, thinking back to a time when she would have never imagined what appeared in front of her possible.

Growing up, Elsa lived a secluded life. After a childhood accident involving her sister, she was kept away from everyone and everything she had come to know and hold dear to her heart. After the incident, the walls of her room had become her only friend overnight; everything she had left in the world was confined within them. Day in and day out, everything around her stayed the same while she and the world outside changed and grew. It hardly seemed fair to the young Elsa, being punished for something beyond her control; being made into a monster.

Though she was nothing of the sort, eventually, a monster she felt. She grew terrified of herself and the possibility of hurting anyone ever again. She met the solitude that surrounded her with open arms as she was made to believe that her being kept away was the only way to keep the people she loved safe. It wasn’t until the tragic death of her parents that forced her back into the world outside of the walls of her room; the unknown.

The newfound responsibility she faced as a young queen was nothing short of a challenge that she met both with dignity and grace in spite of her apprehensions. A greater challenge than ruling over thousands, however, existed simultaneously in the rekindling of a relationship with just one - her sister. Though the rebirth of their relationship was wrought with struggle, it was also met with a warm feeling that Elsa was only mildly acquainted with; a feeling of love.

As time progressed and she began to open her heart, she felt full and fulfilled in ways she had yearned for before she believed herself a monster. No longer did she suffer the mental anguish of solitude; no longer were the walls her only friends. There now were people in her life - people she considered family and people she considered friends; people she cared for and who cared for her in return. What more could she ever need? And yet, despite the new found happiness, she still felt chained to the walls of her home. She yearned for more.

As a child of royalty, titles always served to keep Elsa grounded. Princess, highness, majesty, queen - titles that many desired kept Elsa away from a freedom outside of the confines of her kingdom that her heart ached for. Though her life as queen had felt so loving in the absence of the solitude that plagued her childhood, she couldn’t help but feel guilt as she felt herself suffocating. Saddled with a responsibility she did not want but would bare in her family’s honor, she knew this wasn’t who she was.

She felt like an actress forced to play a character that didn’t exist. The perfect queen of the perfect kingdom; a perfect sister and a perfect friend. No longer a monster but still not herself. Something inside of her was still missing. She felt empty though surrounded by love. She felt alone though surrounded with people she cared for more than anything. She felt out of place in the only place she’s ever called home. She knew she was loved but questioned if the love was felt for her or her facade. Though she would never let her discontent show, she knew her heart lie elsewhere. Where that was, and what that looked like, she had no idea, but hoped against hope that one day she would find it. She hoped one day she would find herself.

And one day, she did.

As Elsa stared at the picture in front of her, she couldn’t help but smile. The walls of her goahti were now dripping with a soft orange as a small bout of laughter outside of her door brought her a feeling of warmth. As the laughter grew closer, Elsa felt the freedom she longed for as a child fill her heart and the space around her. Elsa’s eyes pulled away from the picture she spent the evening studying as the her door opened and a small voice greeted her. Mom, the voice said, followed by a nonsensical rant about the voice’s day of fishing and tree climbing. Elsa’s eyes met the voice and offered a loving smile as a second voice entered through the door with the sound of heartfelt laughter. Looking up at it, Elsa smiled as Maren walked in, arms out pulling Elsa into a warm embrace, a soft kiss gracing her lips. As the two pulled away and the smaller voice, the voice belonging to their son Idun, continued to recap the day, Elsa looked lovingly at the people in front of her before returning her eyes to the pictures on the wall.

Who would have thought, she reasoned with herself, that she would find freedom in yet another set of titles - those of a partner and a mother. And yet, standing before her, her freedom stood. In her family, she found herself. She found a missing piece of herself in a child she could give all the love she never had growing up. In her wife she found the support and belonging she longed for in all her days of solitude. In her little family she found the freedom to be her true self, not a queen and not a character. And in her ability to love and be loved in return for who she truly was, she found the empty space in her heart full.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, now I know Elsa and Anna truly love each other but tbh, sometimes its hard to feel like you can be your true self in front of your family and friends no matter how great the love is. But when you do find the folks that you can be you around, it can be such a liberating feeling. Just wanted to capture a little bit of that while also quenching my baby/family fever cos I too, would like to be a mom and have a wife some day 😭


End file.
